Posted by: myjourneyintofitnessandmore | December 3, 2012

Lost

I was laying in bed last night and was thinking about this journey and what I’ve accomplished or what I wanted to do that I didn’t. I haven’t accomplished a whole lot yet. I pretty much sucked the big one in November. I gained a total of 1/2 pound, which isn’t much, but I also didn’t do a whole lot of exercise in November. I was so excited in October and for the most part did pretty good getting in some sort of activity every day. November rolled around and I don’t know what happened but I slacked big time but December is a new month and I’m working on core strength, squats, and planking, not the like I have to lay flat on everything planking but real planking (the exercise). So far so good! We’ll see how the month goes as it progresses and another 10 lbs gone is the goal!

Another thing that crossed my mind was friends. I have to say that I am the LUCKIEST person in the world to have an amazing support team and you all know how much I love each and every once of you. The one friend I wish would at least show some sort of freaking interest in the fact that I’m trying to get healthier is the BFF. Some shit went down toward the end of the summer and we really haven’t talked a lot since then. We discussed what her issue was and to be completely honest, it was bullshit and childish (IMO). I am not willing to throw away 23 years of my life because of her pettiness but I just don’t know if it will ever get back to the way it was. She’s concerned with her life and her boyfriend and as many times as I’ve told her that I don’t like being an option I’m not sure that she understands exactly what I’m talking about. If she does understand where I’m coming from she’s got an awfully jacked up way of showing it. I feel like every day my group of girlfriends gets smaller and smaller and I know who I can count on when I really need someone to talk to and it sucks to know that people who I thought were good friends just don’t give a shit and weren’t that good of friends to begin with.

I feel like I’m extremely lost without my best friend and I’m tired of fighting for something she says she wants but doesn’t really put in much effort to make sure that it stays in tact. The one solid friendship I’ve been able to count on for the vast majority of my life is crumbling into a million different pieces and as much as I want to save it and put it all back together, like Humpty Dumpty, I don’t know that I have the ability or desire to anymore. Why does certain shit always hit the fan when you feel like everything else is going pretty well?

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